Images
by karo rella
Summary: Heart broken, he desperately tries to find a substitute, but realizes its not who he wants. -oneshot


**Images**

He's always staring blankly outside his window. He isn't a fool. So why didn't he see it coming? Why didn't he see me? His façade is blank. He hugs his legs close to his chest. He rests his chin on his knees. How long has it been? How long since I've seen his smile?

'_Remus… I never wanted to see you unhappy…'_

'_I thought you'd want the same for me.'_

'_Almost lovers always do.'_

His eyes are glazed. I'm almost sure I would see a tear from him, but none. His brows are slightly creased. I can tell… he's thinking about it. Thinking about him. He should've known. Watching him in silence… like I'm waiting for a pair of wings to sprout out of his bare back.

' _I didn't want to hurt you_.._'_

'_You mean you never meant to tell me about her.' _

'_They always do. But you… you were supposed to be different. We were friends… you were my best mate.' _

'_And was nothing but a fling.'_

'_We had nothing special. I'm not insensitive, and you're not thick. I thought we understood it meant nothing but filling each other's needs!'_

'_You can't expect me to understand! That doesn't mean I should be completely fine about the fact that you were with her too. Fine! You didn't have to tell me, lets put it that way, but you weren't supposed to tell me that you loved me! Every single damn night we had sex!'_

He couldn't believe it. Three words, had crumbled his heart. Three words he had uttered to him. He shouldn't have, he should've known. I'm closer to him. Still, he doesn't acknowledge my presence. He doesn't want pity, he doesn't want comfort… what does he want?

'_No don't… stop st-'_

'_Remus…' _

'_Stop…w-we cant…'_

The truth is, I didn't know when it started. But it was obvious. Something was going on between them. Red marks started to appear on his neck. Gentle pink and blue marks wouldn't be caused by his transformation. I stopped by his flat to check up on him. After several times of ringing the doorbell and knocking on his door, I decided to enter. Someone else was with him. Assuming it was the one who gave him the love bites, I was ready to leave, but I heard yelling.

'_It was a mistake. I'm sorry. I was drunk that day…' _

'_Dunk! You were drunk every time you came to my flat!? Congratulations on not getting lost here then!' _

Sarcasm dripped from that voice, Remus'. I knew the other's voice instantly. Sirius. After a string of the most colorful language I had ever heard from Remus' lips, something of glass broke. Before the two broke each other, or tore each other apart, I interfered.

'_Get.Out.Of.Here._ Now. _I don't ever want to see you again.'_

Remus' back was facing me as I came into his room, and as Sirius made a move to leave, he froze. Black orbs fell onto mine. His face was drained of all color. He was completely mortified.

'_James…'_

That instant, Remus spun around. His visage left a stronger impression. His eyes were red with tears, cheeks flushed, and lips swollen from nervous gnawing. Instantly I went to him and let him break down into my arms.

'_James I… it's really not what you think'_

'_Save it mate. I think for now, it's a really good time to leave.'_

He looked hurt, which seemed ironic really.

'_Rem… oh Remus. We've said it, all of us have at least a million times or more… _That's Sirius Black._' _

Since then he didn't leave his apartment. I'd bring him food, but its always left untouched. I still do. I help him bath. His body can barely support his weight, and when he tries to get out of bed, he just falls. He sits on his bed, that same broken down position, and looks outside his window. Sometimes expectantly towards the door. I try to talk to him, but he doesn't say anything but nod or hum in answer.

Enough. Enough of this. I've never seen anyone so ruined from heartbreak. From the couch where I always sit to try to keep him company, I approached him. For the first time, he looks up at me with those empty eyes.His thin fingers come up to my face, and … is he trying to hold my face? He beckons me forward. Awed by the most emotion and movement I've seen him make in a whole week, I oblige. He's cautious, hesitant, like he's afraid I might reject him.

He kisses me.

And… so help me, I'm kissing this heart broken and miserable boy with sympathy. I gently lick his lips, and he, like me is shocked. Excited by his response, by all this emotion he's showing, I kiss him back with something that's somewhat an imitation of love.

When I pull away, it was a heart stopping moment. His eyes were bright, his face had color , the corners of his lips were slightly curled. For the first time since the incident, he smiled. I cherished that moment greedily. Scanning over his façade…until I finally realized what I had done.

"Remus… I'm not Sirius."

And that smile vanished.

A/n This is a bit darker than  
my usual writing, but this idea just popped! Inspiration was from a song i was listening to at the momment. Oringinally this was Sirius/Remus, but Remus/James seemed fitting also. Thanks for reading!


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